Last Jokes

Interview Mistakes

See photo of interviewer’s family on desk, point, start laughing uncontrollably. Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say; ‘Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that.’ Constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then blurt: ‘The strawberry ones are the stickiest, don’t ya’ think?’ After detailing your greatest achievement, qualify with, ‘Of course ... Read More »

Top Ten Blonde Inventions

Who says that Blondes are Dumb… 1. The water proof towel 2. Solar powered flash light 3. Sumberrine screen door 4. A book on how to read 5. Inflatable dart board 6. A dictionary index 7. Ejector seat in a helicopter 8. Powdered water 9. Pedel powered wheel chair 10. Water proof tea bags Read More »

Desire Matures

girl with large breasts

When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with large breasts. In high school, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So ... Read More »

They are stopped by the police

John & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.” Just then Jessica said, “I knew ... Read More »

Head and Shoulders

A blonde and a brunette enter an elevator at their apartment building. They are joined by a handsome guy. Built, nice butt, you get the point. Anyway, the brunette notices the man has dandruff, but she doesn’t say anything until he gets off. She then turns to the blonde and says, “He needs Head and Shoulders.” The blonde replies, “How ... Read More »

Women understand

10. Cats’ facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your curls to make them grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy ... Read More »

The truth about Cats and Dogs

What is a Cat? 1. Cats do what they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They’re totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play they want to be alone. 6. When you want to be alone they want to play. 7. They expect you to cater to their every whim. ... Read More »

Kids say the darndest things!

A catholic teacher asks her students to answer the question “When you die what part of your body goes to Heaven first?” One student replied “I think it is the heart”. “Why?”, asks the teacher. “Well”, replied the student, “because we keep Jesus and God in our hearts.” Another student replied “I think that the brain goes to Heaven first.” ... Read More »

You Know You’re in New York City When…

You Know You’re in New York City When… 1. Nuns walk down the street carrying automatic weapons. 2. You can run into the corner deli and have an eat-in lunch with dessert in the time it takes to cross the intersection of 8th and 42nd at rush hour. 3. A flying saucer can pass overhead and you hear the locals ... Read More »

Car in Heaven

–°ar in heaven

Three guys died; when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them and said, “I know that you guys are forgiven because you’re here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. Your answer will depend on what kind of car you get. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is ... Read More »

Do What With Sheep

Somewhere over Australia… The plane contains a pilot, co-pilot and a load of sheep. The route is long and the weather is abominable. Nearing their destination the pilot realizes that the fuel is insufficient. “I’m afraid we are just not going to make it Steve. We must prepare to jump.” advises the pilot. The co-pilots says, “WHAT ABOUT THE SHEEP!” ... Read More »

Look Out!

A drunk staggering in the street was struck by a passing car. The driver slammed on the brakes, jumped out and looking back at the drunk shouted, “Look out!”The drunk raised his head and asked, “Why? You gonna back up?” Read More »

The Top 16 Tim McVeigh Last Request Ice Cream Flavors

1. Kooky D’oh! 2. Dead Mango Walking 3. Goodbye Cruel Swirl 4. Chocolate Chip Cookie John Doe #2 5. Rocky Road to Hell 6. Tossed Cookies ‘n’ Scream 7. Militia Mint Gun Nut Crunch 8. Electric Cherry 9. No Tunnel / No Light Surprise 10. Chocolate Marshmallow Martyr 11. Sodium Pentothal Pistachio Swirl 12. Pralines ‘n’ Lethal-Injection-Antidote Crunch 13. Chunky ... Read More »

Hair on your twinkie

A young girl is sitting in a barber shop with her mother, eating a twinkie, and anxiously awaiting her first hair cut. When her turn comes, she brings her twinkie with her to the chair, and the barber covers her. Soon, she pulls the twinkie out for a bite. “You’re getting hair on your twinkie,” the barber playfully warns. “Yes, ... Read More »

The Bridge

There were 3 men working on the harbour bridge, all of a sudden the lunch signal rang, so they started to have their lunch. The 3 people were, Chinese, Irish, and an Australian. The Chinese person looked inside his sandwich and said, “Oh CRAP! If I get peanut butter sandwich again from my wife, I am going to jump off ... Read More »

Golf challenge

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could ... Read More »