Monday , 22 December 2014
Last Jokes

Golf Bee Injury

Golf bee injury

The old golf pro was bored early on and had already been into the cooler in the pro shop, when suddenly a young lady ran in screaming, “I was stung by a bee!” “Where,” the bleary-eyed pro asked? “Between the first and second holes,” replied the frantic young blonde. To which the tipsy pro replied,- “I told you yesterday that ... Read More »

Nursing Home Diet

Nursing Home Diet

A man went to the nursing home to visit his grandfather. “How are they treating you, grandfather?” he asked. “Fine!” came the reply, “The nurses here are really nice.” “How is the food?” “Good!” “Are you sleeping well, grandfather?” “Oh, yes I sleep nine hours a night. Every night they bring me a glass of milk and a viagara.” Worried, ... Read More »

Going Fishing

Going Fishing

A keen country lad applied for a salesman’s job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world – you could get anything there. The boss asked him, “Have you ever been a salesman before”? “Yes, I was a salesman in the country,” – said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him ... Read More »

Cowboy In Church

Cowboy In Church

One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.The cowboy said, “I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I’d feed him.”So the minister ... Read More »

The Golden Toilet

The Golden Toilet

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but couldn’t quite remember the address to the house. ”I’m sure this is the one,” said the driver. ”Well, I have got to go to the bathroom SO BAD.” Replied one of the others, ”I’ll go knock on the door, and check. If it’s the wrong house, at least ... Read More »

Loving the Teacher

Loving the Teacher

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eight-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, “Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?””I’m in love,” the boy replied.Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, “With whom?””With YOU!” he said. “But Johnny,” she said gently, “don’t you see how silly that is? ... Read More »

Viagra Spinoffs

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented toward improving the performance of men in today’s society. Here’s a list of what’s on the drawing board: DIRECTRA: A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop to ask directions when they got ... Read More »

Religious truths

Religious truths

Remember, there are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian church. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters Read More »

A Good Deal

Good deal

This guy was visiting the country one day and saw a for sale sign in front of a farm. The guy goes up to the farm and asks the farmer to show him around the farm. The farmer starts with the house and shows him all the rooms. The guy likes the house and tells him that he always wanted ... Read More »

How Many cookies?

Two blondes

There were 2 blondes walking in the woods. One of them had a bag… So the one with the bag said to the other girl, “If you can guess how many cookies are in my bag I’ll give you both of them!” Read More »

Liz and Evander

With yet another young man in her life Elizabeth Taylor decided that in her advancing years she needed to tighten up her vaginal area. She put her trust in her plastic surgeon of 30 years standing, the one who had carried out her face-lifts, boob jobs and ass-lifts. Sworn to secrecy, he agreed that no-one but him would ever know. ... Read More »

Possible titles for Lewinsky’s new book

Possible titles for Monica Lewinsky’s new book 1. I Suck At My Job 2. What Really Goes Down In The White House 3. How I Blew It In Washington 4. You Have to Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President 5. Clear and Present Boner 6. Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule 7. Going Back for ... Read More »

Toughest Final Exam

Instructions Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately. History Descrive the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially but not exclusively, on it social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific. Medicine You have been provided with a ... Read More »

Disappearing Crayons

The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher’s desk and said, “Miss Francis, I ain’t got no crayons.” “Willie,” Miss Francis said, “you mean, “I don’t have any crayons.’ You don’t have any crayons. We don’t have any crayons. They don’t have any crayons. Do you see what I’m getting at?” “Not ... Read More »

Dunlop Rubbers

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested. When the case came before the ... Read More »

Telemarketer Revenge

Telemarketer Revenge

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, “How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?” 2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, ... Read More »

The irresistible bet

A guy walks into a bar and meets up with a few friends. After a couple of shots of tequila, he stages over to the bar and asks the barkeep for another shot of tequila and the bartender obliges, this goes on for about an hour or so. Finally the man requests another, the barkeep says i gotta cut ya ... Read More »

Headache Cure

A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he’s referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies, “I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and..”.He is interrupted by the doctor, “And a ... Read More »

The “Perfect” Day!

The Perfect Day According To… HER 8:45 – Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00 – 5 pounds lighter on the scale 9:30 – Light breakfast 11:00 – Sunbathe 12:30 – Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 1:45 – Shopping 2:30 – Run into husband’s ex – notice she’s gained 30lbs. 3:00 – Facial, massage, nap 7:30 – Candlelight ... Read More »