Last Jokes

Magic sandals

Magic sandals

This married couple is on holiday in Pakistan. They’re touring around the market place looking at the goods and such, when they pass this small sandal shop. From inside they hear a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say: ” You, foreigners! Come in, come into my humble shop.” So the married couple walks in. The Pakistani man says to them: ... Read More »

La maestra da clases sobre

La maestra da clases sobre nutricion y pregunta al grupo: – Niños, cual es la mejor leche para el consumo humano? Juanito levanta la mano y contesta. – La leche alpura, maestra porque esta pasteurizada. – Muy bien juanito, quien mas tiene otra respuesta rosita asegura. – Yo digo que es la leche lala, porque esta pasteurizada y homogenizada. Pepito ... Read More »

Est un to todo triste

Está un tío todo triste en el trabajo. Preocupado el jefe se le acerca: Qué le pasa, Peláez? Bueno, en fin… que voy a ser padre dentro de poco. Pero, bueno, felicidades! Ya qué viene esa cara de funeral? Verá, cuando se entere mi mujer… Read More »

Era vez que una pareja

Era vez que una pareja que al momento de hacer el amor la mujer decía: “Mi amor no es por nada pero no siento nada…” Y el hombre sientiéndose mal fue al médico y le dijo: “Doctor, dígame que puedo hacer, al momento de hacer el amor con mi esposa ella me dice que no siente nada…” El doctor le ... Read More »

Estaban dos ninos

Estaban dos niños, cada uno con un trompo y uno le dice a otro: – Baila el trompo. Y el otro le contesta: – No sabo. – No se dice no sabo, se dice¡no sepo! En ese momento una señora estaba escuchando la conversación de los niños y les dice: – No se dice ni no sabo ni no sepo. ... Read More »

Un tipo que se dirige

Un tipo que se dirige a trabajar es solicitado por Manolo, que estaba de paseo por ahí: – “Oiga, por favor, ¿me podría decir que autobús tengo que abordar para ir al museo de la ciudad?” – “Sí, aquí mismo, coja el número 48″. A mediodía, nuestro hombre vuelve del trabajo para ir a comer y se encuentra a Manolo ... Read More »

Blonde TGIF

T.G.I.F

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, ”T-G-I-F” (letters only). He smiled at her and replied, ”S-H-I-T” (letters only).” She looked at him, puzzled, and said, ”T-G-I-F” again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering, ”S-H-I-T.” The blonde was trying ... Read More »

Después de haberse cometido un

Después de haberse cometido un robo en el convento de monjas, se presentó la policía. Pregunta el policía: – Qué es lo que se robaron Madre Superiora? – Cien sábanas. – Anote eso, dice el policía al secretario. Todas las monjas dicen en coro: – Y nos querían envenenar! Continúa el policía: – Otra cosa que les robaron madre? – ... Read More »

Looking to buy a frog?

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?” The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his ... Read More »

Picasso Saves Sight for Sore Eyes

Picasso’s mistress was losing her eyesight so he took her to an opthomologist in Paris. Upon examination, the doctor reported that nothing could be done and she would soon become blind. Picasso then sought out the best eye doctor in all of France, but got the same prognosis. He even took her to the best doctor in all of Europe, ... Read More »

Letters to the President

Dear Bill: As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body. God bless you in this time of trial. Jimmy Carter ——————— Dear Bill: OK, so ... Read More »

Signs the Enterprise is Nearing the End of its Warranty

21: Impulse engines stall when used in reverse. 20: Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at “88”. 19: Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays. 18: Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now held up by phone book. 17: Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with “w”. 16: Booster cables become permanent fixtures ... Read More »

More controversy in

More controversy in pairs skating when Boris and Natasha were awarded a gold medal by the Eastern Bloc countries, even though they were clearly beaten by Moose and Squirrel. Read More »

Signs that you may be a drunk!

*** Signs that you “just might” have a drinking problem. *** You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Your job is interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. 24 hours ... Read More »

Having a Beer

Having a beer

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers. He takes a drink out of one… sets it down. Takes a drink out of the second… sets it down. Takes a drink out of the third one… sets it down and repeats this process until all three beers are gone. The man then leaves. On the same day the ... Read More »

Three Travellers

Three travellers hot air balloon

Three travellers, an American, a Russian and an African, were all on a world tour in a hot air balloon. The Russian man puts his hand over the side and feels into the clouds. – “Aaah!” he said, “We’re right over my homeland.” – “How can you tell?” asked the American. – “I can feel the cold air” he replied. ... Read More »

Thirty things porno producers would have us believe…

1. Women wear high heels to bed. 2. Men are never impotent. 3. When going down on a woman 10 secs is more than satisfactory. 4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her. 5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the ... Read More »

Lawyer Jokes

What’s the only disadvantage to using lawyers instead of rats in laboratory experiments? It’s harder to extrapolate the test results to human beings. Why should lawyers be buried 100 feet deep? Because deep down, they’re really good people. What educational programs should the United States support to alleviate the burgeoning US-Japan trade imbalance? Japanese language lessons for lawyers. Why do ... Read More »

Subtitles from Hong Kong

The following are actual English subtitles used in films from Hong Kong: * I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way. * Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep. * Gun wounds again? * Same old rules: no eyes, no groin. * A normal person wouldn’t steal pituitaries. * Darn, I’ll burn you into a ... Read More »