Last Jokes

Adventures of the New Priest

Priest Adventures

Once there was a Catholic church that recently got itself a new priest. This priest was fixed on bringing young people to the church. One day the older priest said down the younger one and said, “You have done much good for our church! When you suggested we get bucket seats instead of pews, the teenage population of our church ... Read More »

Not Much of a Man?

A little guy sat in a cafe one day eating his lunch. Three Hells Angels walked into the cafe, looked around, and decided to have some fun with the little guy. They sat at his table. One of them took his coffee away from him and drank it down. The next one took his sandwich away and ate it down. ... Read More »

Airline

A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It’s a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class. The steward who checks tickets says, “I’m so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class.” “I can do What-eva I want, I’m a blonde.” Well I’ll get the pilot. The pilot comes ... Read More »

Running Shoes

2 men went hiking. They set the tent up when all of a sudden a bear jumped out. Frightened,the men started to run. The first man stopped to take his running shoes out. The other guy said what are you doing you cant outrun a bear! The man said all i need to outrun is you. Read More »

The Waiting Room

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical condition. Her husband waits patiently in the waiting room. After a few minutes, the doctor comes out and asks her assistant for a wrench, which understandably concerns the husband. Then, after a couple more moments, the doctor re-enters the room this time asking for a screwdriver. The man grows worried and ... Read More »

Mistress…

This married couple was enjoying a dinner out when this gorgeous blonde walks over to their table, exchanges warm greetings with the husband and walks off. “Who was that?” Demands the wife. “If you must know, that was my mistress.” “Your MISTRESS? I want a divorce!” “Are you sure you want to give up a big house in the suburbs, ... Read More »

Invalid responses

A technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was ‘bad and invalid’. The tech explained that the computer’s ‘bad’ command and ‘invalid’ responses shouldn’t be taken personally. Read More »

Interview Mistakes

See photo of interviewer’s family on desk, point, start laughing uncontrollably. Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say; ‘Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that.’ Constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then blurt: ‘The strawberry ones are the stickiest, don’t ya’ think?’ After detailing your greatest achievement, qualify with, ‘Of course ... Read More »

Top Ten Blonde Inventions

Who says that Blondes are Dumb… 1. The water proof towel 2. Solar powered flash light 3. Sumberrine screen door 4. A book on how to read 5. Inflatable dart board 6. A dictionary index 7. Ejector seat in a helicopter 8. Powdered water 9. Pedel powered wheel chair 10. Water proof tea bags Read More »

Desire Matures

girl with large breasts

When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with large breasts. In high school, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So ... Read More »

They are stopped by the police

John & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.” Just then Jessica said, “I knew ... Read More »

Head and Shoulders

A blonde and a brunette enter an elevator at their apartment building. They are joined by a handsome guy. Built, nice butt, you get the point. Anyway, the brunette notices the man has dandruff, but she doesn’t say anything until he gets off. She then turns to the blonde and says, “He needs Head and Shoulders.” The blonde replies, “How ... Read More »

Women understand

10. Cats’ facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your curls to make them grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy ... Read More »

The truth about Cats and Dogs

What is a Cat? 1. Cats do what they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They’re totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play they want to be alone. 6. When you want to be alone they want to play. 7. They expect you to cater to their every whim. ... Read More »

Kids say the darndest things!

A catholic teacher asks her students to answer the question “When you die what part of your body goes to Heaven first?” One student replied “I think it is the heart”. “Why?”, asks the teacher. “Well”, replied the student, “because we keep Jesus and God in our hearts.” Another student replied “I think that the brain goes to Heaven first.” ... Read More »

You Know You’re in New York City When…

You Know You’re in New York City When… 1. Nuns walk down the street carrying automatic weapons. 2. You can run into the corner deli and have an eat-in lunch with dessert in the time it takes to cross the intersection of 8th and 42nd at rush hour. 3. A flying saucer can pass overhead and you hear the locals ... Read More »